sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
