The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Another day, another engagement, another cat
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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