I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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