Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
