I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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