Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
