Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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