first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
