I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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