idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
