you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
