Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I didn't notice because vodka
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize