Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
