I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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