Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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