I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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