Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
