It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
