dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
