She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
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There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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