May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
