I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
