He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
