Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ambien. No doubt about it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
