first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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