i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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