I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
