Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
