Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize