Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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