please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
