If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
