Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't deserve a penis
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
