Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
