toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
MIDGETS
????
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
