hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
