If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
