Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
