So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think i got beer on your cat.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
