do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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