i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
