you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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