I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
