She tied me up with her honor cords...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
