I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
