Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
