I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you never un-have a 4some
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
