I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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