My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
