I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
FUCK WHALES
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
