that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He did a backflip because drugs
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