Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
