he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
