You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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