She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
