I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
