my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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