Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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