3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
